Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Operation Purity has been aborted
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Randomize
