We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
