if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
