Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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