Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
