If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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