I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
