So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
