aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
