you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
