Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
