I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
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you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
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So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.