Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night