I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.