oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
only you would photoshop your dick
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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