you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
it's great music for shaving your balls
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
