It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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