Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
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