my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize