He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Randomize
