I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
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