Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
