We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
