Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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