i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
