I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
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We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
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There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
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