I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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