No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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