Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
