1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
