ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
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