It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
