I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
