I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
