Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
