my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
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