I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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