Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Randomize
