So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
