I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
