hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
