Pants 0. Shit 1.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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