I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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