We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
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