If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
