'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Randomize