What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
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