I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
