Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
