you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
