Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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