Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
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i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
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You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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