the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
