well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
