I have demons in me.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
zippers are such a cool invention
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
The cops high fived after they tackled you
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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