There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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