porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Randomize
