why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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