I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
