My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
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