ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
