my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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