It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
