i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
