the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
