we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize