NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
