I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
