She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
