party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize