I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
