Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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