she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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