I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Randomize
