yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
