Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
