I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
You can't motorboat a personality
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Randomize
