I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
