Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
