All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
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