Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
